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As my feet hit the trail at the Manassas Battlefield for a early morning run every step reminded me that my journey back was going to be a mental as well as a physical challenge. I have been a recreational runner for most of my life, 3 Marathons, 3 half-marathons. Countless pristine runs coupled with memories from all corners of the world. Running had become a constant companion in my life that started my days with a sense of accomplishment and a big check in the box.
We had a nasty breakup a few years ago when I let life and a surge of changes come between us. I did not fall out of love with running it was worse than that. I became bitter and angry about my running because the aspect I enjoyed most about running was I was never not in running shape where a short focus would enable me to be where I wanted to be. The realization that I needed to start all over again moved me quickly from anger to hopelessness. I realized no matter how much effort I put in I would never get back to where I used to be - why even try. Leet’s preserve those memories, lie to myself a tad about how glorious they were and let another seasons of opportunities pass me by.
I was happy and content in my apathy. I was thrilled with living in the past, content will living in the memories of my past ‘performances’ My wake up call came in a random text message from my daughter Elizabeth. "I'm training for a half marathon in October, want to run it with me?" My response HaHa I could not run 1/64th of a half marathon. Of course my folly lead me to believe that this discussion would me over, after all I am the parent and she is the daughter. Her response " You have no reason not to unless you just don't want to challenge yourself"
She was right.
Today I began my journey back and like most of life it comes with some reflective thoughts
We can’t ever really go ‘back’ to where we were. We have changed too much, life has changed. Things are different. That can be a good thing or a bad thing,but, it is how life is and we must come to peace with that reality.
We have to adjust our expectations and modify our goals. Things take longer, Holding in our minds what it used to look like most likely will prohibit the new images of what it will be now. Press the reset button on the images.
With Computer software It is hard work learning a new upgrade, lots of things are different, things move faster, patience is tried, and things are not where you knew them to be. At times you scream out I want the old. That shipped has sailed if you want to embrace new dreams and goals.
My Journey Back is a Journey forward as well